Saturday, July 24, 2010

Training Log: 24 July 2010

Morale: Medium
Type of exercise: Run

On Thursday I had a mini-overdose, and when I came out of it, my female doctor advised me to take up exercise. She's short, fat, and very obnoxious with her "knowledge," but I suppose I'll take the bitch's advice.

I have no recollection of the last month. When I arrived home from the hospital, my house was full of cats and sex toys. I ordered Kitty Webb, who continues to live me on a semi-platonic basis, to clean things up. She's been otherwise useless, as there's been a touch of the syph going around.

After a mad night of dehydration and suicidal desire, I went for a lovely, dewy 10 mile run around the perimeter of the estate. The primary aim was speed; the secondary aim was to spiritually transform myself into a gazelle. I hit the first mark, huffing and puffing like a horny teenager having a make-out session with the class slut after a night of rum and reefer, but though I was feverishly horny, it was not the trademark horniness of the gazelle but rather a human hunger to make love to all the beautiful, healthful babes in the world, preferably all at the same time, preferably in a sauna. Damn the disease, but I suppose I'm doing penance. I felt grunty and good.

The sun was newly risen. I was lonely and elite. I howled. When I came home, I wanted nothing to do with that slut Kitty. Her belly is not quite flat. It disgusts me.

1 comment:

Arthur C. said...

A good start I must say. Once you're in top form I want a rematch for that bike race. Shall we say; Richmond to Bournemouth?