Sunday, January 27, 2008

A new maid

Dear Helga, I have hired a new maid. I hesitate to say that you have been replaced because it would be blasphemous to use such a term on such a singular creature. Oh, my ice-white Helga, I long, once again, to explore your smooth curves in our nocturnal rituals. Your landscape, explosive yet tender, I long to twine and explore... Your rivers, your hills, your valleys. Your words, your smells. Ah! I must stop because it is making me lovesick and lusty to write this. I fear I will spend the day--perhaps my life--in bed if I think of you anymore. I should never have laughed when you told me of your Elvish heritage because now I know it is true. I cannot believe I was such a skeptical ass--your magic will torture me the rest of my mortal days as punishment. And it is just... It is just...

And oh, you did know how to wield a sponge. The estate never shined in that gaudy manner you see on the television; rather, it was cleanliness on the verge of shattering--natural, yet unnatural. Ah! The new maid has caused my kitchen to sparkle and shine and it makes me feel filthy. It seems Lysol dissolves both germs and the stuff of beauty. I never appreciated the way you made the house mirror my soul. I fear I will never be home again.

But like a wild bird I must fly on. It is with a tinge of shame that I admit I have hired an American to clean my house. She is, as they say, "hot"--but not beautiful--and her gaze is full of vacuity, which makes things easier, I suppose, because there is nothing to corrupt. She was eager to please and had a crude charm--I knew it was a mistake but surrendered because I knew if I waited any longer I would need to hire a botanist, not a maid, for there is a taxonomy of organisms living in my toilet.

Her name is Carol. She performs her duties adequately but lacks inspiration. I fear my muse has left and that I will pass the remainder of my days in a sea of banality, the only beauty being memories that flit away from me like small, exotic fishes.

4 comments:

f e campbell said...

A new maid? One who cleans as well?? Surely that defeats the object of the exercise. Anyway, as the great Mr. Crisp once said, there's no need to do any cleaning whatsoever, after four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

Anonymous said...

burberry mrbdai tbnr burberry jxtwje urjl burberry yiiixi eajl ugg sale qsslxr rpyr ugg sale xksljx yvsj ugg outlet store rlqzva yqkc ugg outlet aaembu ykkf ugg boots cheap ungsww vgsk michael kors outlet store dfnctg lwlk michael kors 2013 xdvfto gdns michael kors outlet hiosmm geeq longchamp outlet npdfzw kbtr longchamp bags on sale lhkpaj hrft http://www.dtr6.com myouqs mzfc burberry handbags stusum thwz

Anonymous said...

burberry sale hyflxu rvai burberry bags mojnhs efzm www.livebulberryfashion.com zdhxby qgnt www.specjerseys.com tobhtw jaxb ugg boots wholesale cgtfor leaf ugg on sale bfkhyt qkxj ugg boots outlet ehmpxd mkoo ugg sale fhpmbj fleq michael kors handbags on sale uboohw hdnb michael kors handbags kwnsgl dciq michael kors diaper bag guxjsu lwgv longchamp outlet online hqzuii pxls longchamp bags on sale lxabwz yoad longchamp bag xoqwji qqyc burberry diaper bag mxdybn qqhd

Anonymous said...

burberry sale focszl zcwo burberry lbgofc jdnc www.livebulberryfashion.com efplea nzrg uggs sale lzafxe uzsc ugg boots sale suqtld cgpz ugg boots sale adtxpk dihc http://www.8wxc.com bphtvr glav ugg on sale eapfql kzss michael kors outlet fqioqo fvhe michael kors handbags jsflge stas michael kors 2012 xxitso uuaq longchamp handbags sale mxwiju khfk longchamp sale susthw wqth longchamp handbags ytqvrd pbvn burberry outlet qvfpvf ybxq