Monday, October 6, 2008

My New Addiction: Tucker & Taz in the Morning

In my miserable life, I have been addicted to many things: opium, dueling, drunken driving, to name a few. But my latest addiction seems a relatively harmless one. It is Tucker & Taz in the Morning, a Canadian radio program on FM96, a station which boldly claims to be "London's Best Rock" (indeed, there is a London in Ontario, Canada--a real shit-hole from most reports). I do not know if the slogan is true as I find the pig-squeal vocals of AC/DC--a band which the jovial duo play interminably--laughably awful (although I greatly enjoyed Tucker's impression a few days back), but damn it if Tucker and Taz aren't "London's Most Lovable Losers." Though from all reports these pair of pudgy, balding DJs are not terribly special, I cannot help but put them on a pedestal when I hear them talk to the common idiot hicks on riot-fests like "Mr Know-It-All" and "The Question." However Tucker & Taz, I have a question for you: which one of you is the leader?

You see, my friend Reginald Hardcourt has also become a frequent listener of your show (twice a week we set up my Dell and listen to your webcast whilst playing chess and drinking cocaine-laced South African rooibos in the sun room of my estate) and we invariably argue over which of you is the leader. Reginald says it's Tucker, for no tangible reason, whereas I say it is Taz (which one of you hosts Taz-Mania again? Ah, yes... Oh, but what about Taz of All Trades? Ah... Yes... Taz again). Indeed I often wonder whether Tucker is drunk due to his fumbling work with the controls--not that there's anything wrong with that. But I am afraid our little disagreement is no longer friendly because last week Reginald turned his revolver on me for saying Tucker would be nothing without Taz (not coincidentally, I had just taken his Queen's bishop, thus destroying his beloved fianchetto). In a bold move of self-defense, I forcefully grabbed Reginald by the arm and put my ivory letter opener to his throat. I then forced him to push a pawn and lose the game in an embarrassing oversight.

Perhaps this addiction is more dangerous than I fear... Regardless, I look forward to waking up tomorrow. It is a non-Reginald day.


Anonymous said...

Tucker and Taz is the funniest radio show going. Taz is hilarious and makes the show go. Been laughing every morning while half asleep in bed for the past 4 years.

Nigel said...

I've come to realise that my writing, indeed my whole life lacks style, wit and charm. I'm not a dandy, I'm a cheap imposter!

Nigel Tewksbury said...

I believe it is you, false Nigel, who is the cheap imposter here. Thank you for the amusement.

Anonymous said...

I'm from London On and it is NOT A SHIT HOLE!!!! I've been to the UK twice and although there are some nice areas, there are also A LOT of SHIT HOLES...have you been to Manchester!!!!