Morale: Desperate
Type of Exercise: Elliptical Trainer
This morning, while "jacking off" in the shower, I felt an intense emptiness that normally I would combat with a mixture of drugs and alcohol. But, as I crushed my morning protein shake and devised a surefire way to score some smack--nude, in the glistening sun--I decided I would fight my heroin urges and hop on the elliptical trainer instead.
I did half an hour of interval training and my bursts were so intense I feared a heart attack but welcomed the prospect of Death as the destroyer of all my personal and administrative problems. Wearing only my finest silk undergarments, my cock danced like a sweaty snake to the Velvet Underground who serenaded me through my lime green Sennheiser MX75 Sport earbuds.
In my final burst, I asked for only death or endorphins, but neither came. Semi-satisfied, I crushed a smoothie in the Astro Lab and tried to contact the planets. I have no plans for the rest of the day.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
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4 comments:
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