I am a very good-looking man

I prefer to open a banana like a monkey--I pinch the nip at the base. It makes me feel like a pervert, but some things feel right.

She called me creepy. I dismissed the criticism by moaning, Baby that's my style.

I looked across the water. It was filthy and it stank like shit. We gazed deeply into each other's eyes.

"Do ugly people look at each other this way?" she inquired.

"Darling I have no idea what ugly people do."

In the end, I did not eat the banana, though my doctor says I am deficient in every vitamin and mineral. There's a time and place for everything and this was not the time for that.