Friday, December 7, 2007

I am sick, playing host to a virus

In the air are rumours of snow--the shopping mall heralds Christmas cheer and annihilation of the soul. What else is there to do but get drunk on eggnog--hold the egg--and pretend to be homeless? For homeless I am, in a sense--I am a vagabond of the brain--and I can't print out my pornographic Christmas cards till my printer be fixed.

On Monday morn I swore I heard the electric ring of the doorbell--I thought it was the milkman begging for his pay--but when I cracked open the threshold, I was left facing a vortex of swirling white cold. Oh Hello Hell, Come no further. And I shut the door before I got sucked in or out, I'm not sure which.

But it was of no use--that vortex held a villain--and now I find myself playing unwilling host to a virus worse than death. I have been sleeping in the bathroom to save some energy; my daybook's filled by vomiting and diarrhea, and sometimes they show up disastrously early for their appointments, creating soiled laundry for a housewoman who's in another continent. Damn incontinence! Oh damn... and how the flushing of the toilet only reminds me of the sinister vortex peddler at the door.

Last night while I lay in a primordial ooze of sweat and germs, I remembered my favourite vomit--the one where I spat out my soul. And I wonder if that was birth or death or something different completely. In a mad sick fever I jotted down the following words on a piece of toilet paper that had missed the mark:

Regurgitation is creation, as I puke into the void.

I then took the toilet paper and swallowed it and pranced about like an Arcadian faun while wondering from which end it would emerge.

1 comment:

F. Edward Campbell said...

Ah, the norovirus. An adversary of old. Its party trick, if that’s the right phrase, is a simultaneous voiding of both bowels and stomach requiring the delirious virusee to lean from the toilet either across to the bath or over to the sink. Believe me, if you don’t, the grouting on the bathroom tiles will never be the same colour again. In the meantime, make sure you remember to keep your fluid intake up...